Tag Archives: The Wire

I’m still Lost (Random comments and questions about Lost)

Hey Freckles, I'm really glad you took off that dirty wife beater. You were starting to smell like Hurley.

Last week the series finale of  ABC’s Lost aired, but since I’m a week behind on a lot of things I finally got a chance to watch it yesterday. If y’all aren’t familiar with Lost here I won’t bother to explain it to you. I’m just ot that smart.  Seriously, I don’t have the time a large enough grasp on quantum physics, mind-altering drugs, polar bears,and dirty wife beaters to make Lost make sense to you. (Click this hyperlink for a little more information.)In the pantheon of great TV shows Lost ranks somewhere between The Wire and Gunsmoke (laugh if you want but Matt Dillon was television’s first, great BMF.) *Side note. I really should do a blog about the greatest television shows too shouldn’t I?*  I started watching Lost in the middle of the first season and was hooked every since. It peaked my interested because I love a good show that can give me something to do on a random week night, but soon I realized the strong characters like Jack, Hurley, Sawyer, Locke, and Kate, the random pop culture references and nicknames that Sawyer came up with, and the all around weird sh*t made me stick around to see how this all was going to end. So after I spent two and a half hours watching the finale yesterday I came up with 10 comments and questions about the craziness that was Lost. 

So here we go kids. *In my dirty preacher voice/wiping forehead sweat* “I’m not gonna take up all your time this mornin’ ” And no, we aren’t serving chicken in the fellowship hall afterwards. 

  1. What kind of drugs were the creators of this show on? I come up with some screwy crap in my free time all of the time and I’ve never done drugs a day in my life. Could you image if Lost came on HBO? How f***ed up would this show would have been? Lost would have been on some Tarantino level of weird. I’m calling Zed weird!
  2. This show would have made one hell of a comic book. With all of the interchangeable characters who have pasts that are interlinked by something more than chance, the weird sci-fi theories, and the large cast of characters would instantly make a Lost comic book more interesting than the Justice League.
  3. What was so special about Walt? From the start there were illusions made to Walt having a “purpose” which were briefly shown with the bird crashing into his parents’ window and reading the comic book with the polar bears. What gives? I may have missed something but I need answers about what Walt Lloyd was actually capable of.
  4. Why didn’t they just shot Ben Linus in the face the moment they realized that he was a filthy liar? The man took evil to Victor Newman levels. He would kill anybody who stood in his way and never lost any sleep about it. He merked his father and the rest of the Dharma Initiative with poison gas. Ben it’s the weird island not Ypres.
  5. Time travel! Really?!?! I hate all time travel. I hate all time travel unless Doc Brown, Sarah Connor, or Marty McFly are involved. I hate when the X-Men do it and I hated when they did it on Lost. Sorry, I just think time travel is a cheap story line.
  6. Soooo, are they all dead? I really have to watch the last three episodes again.
  7. I still need to know what the Smoke Monster actually was/is/used to be? Why smoke? Why not sand or a blob of pudding?
  8. Why weren’t Adebesi Mr. Eko and Ana Lucia’s mannish a** at the church at the end? No love for the head tailies huh.
  9. Why was the reflection of Los Angeles in the water on the show’s logo?
  10. What will all of the Lost head’s do with themselves now? Six seasons and now what? I’m going to need a replacement show this fall. Help a brother out.

If the four of you reading this have anymore questions or comments of Lost feel free to post them. 

Vaya con Dios

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But he’s got a lot of heart!?!?! (The don’t write a check with your mouth that your a** can’t cash blog.)

This morning I was listening to ESPN’s Mike and Mike in the morning and Dick Vitale dropped in to do his usual Tuesday morning guest spot. He’s loud, abrasive, bald, pulls for Notre Dame , has firmly implanted of in Mike Krzyzewski’s gastrointestinal tract, and he knows a ton about sports. I’ve disagreed with Dickie V before but this morning he said something that I just couldn’t agree with: He told Mike Golic that University of Florida quarterback and candidate for sainthood, Tim Tebow should get drafted in the NFL because of his “heart”.

Lat week The Champ wrote a blog over at www.verysmartbrothas.com entitled “the 10 most overrated things… ever” that chronicled things ranging for beer to orgasms as things he deemed overrated. He then opened the floor of the church for the readers to list things that they thought got to much shine. Things like Drake, Southern California’s football team, and Las Vegas all made the reader’s overrated list.

Until I heard Dickie V say Saint Timothy should get drafted because of his “heart” I didn’t consider heart as an overrated quality. So are we to believe that NFL owners or any other businessman or woman is going to hire a high dollar employee because he or she has heart?  Don’t get me wrong, a ton of heart in a person or people can get you a long way in the world. (see the Viet Cong) After thinking about it for a few hours I came to the conclusion that yes, heart is an excellent personality trait,  but if you don’t have the complete skill set, a solid foundation, and the proper acumen heart will only lead you to realize that you’re in over your head. Trust me “over your head” isn’t the address where you want to live.

Here are a few examples of what happens when having “heart” isn’t enough to get the job done.

Belgium, August  – September 1914

So that I don’t go all History 102 on y’all a**es here’s the long and the short of it. The Europeans had this nasty little habit of slaughtering each other every few decades up back in the day and the another slaughter was on the schedule for 1914. The Germans and the French were really pissed at each other over this cat named Franz-Ferdinand getting Abraham Lincolned in Sarajevo while attending a parade with the wifey. So zie Germans were looking to go see the French and tell them all of the whys and wherefores. There was a slight problem, zie German border with France was heavily defended so they weren’t really interested in going all 12 rounds with France to get to Paris.  This is where Belgium comes into play. Belgium didn’t want anything to do with any of the slaughter so they clung to their neutrality. (Besides, the Belgians where happy eating waffles and making a mess out of the Congo.) The leader of Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm II called his cousin King Albert I of Belgium and asked if he would allow his boys to pass through Belgian territory to go see the French.

Albert was like, “Nah son. We just trying to eat these waffles and exploit the sh*t of these Africans son.”

Grabbing his crotch, Kaiser Wilhelm II was like, “Swear to god son. Stop acting like a little b***h and let my people pass through. We trying to pull these French cats skirts up for real. You need to get down or lay down.”

Thinking he couldn’t get punked by his big cousin, Albert was like “You see a b***h, slap a b***h!”

Needless to say a b***h was seen and a b***h was slapped. Luckily for King Albert I his other big cousin, King George VIII of England rushed to defend him and his nation. Not because it was the right thing to do, but because cousin Wilhelm II f***ed things up, which was going to make the fish fry at the next family reunion really, really, awkward.

*side note, these quotes are from the actually telegraph transcripts between Albert I and Wilhelm II.* True story.

Belgium then braced itself for the zie German onslaught. She showed a helluva a lot of heart, but Belgium had no business getting in to the ring with Germany. It got ugly, and by ugly I mean Aunt Ester ugly. Known as the Rape of Belgium, German troops burned books, towns, villages, Belgians, and anything else that could burn until they got tired.

So in the end all Belgium got for having “heart” and nothing to back it up was a a**whooping for the ages.

Sarah Palin’s Vice Presidential run

I could prove my point by typing “epic fail” but I’ll explain. Big John McCain went out to search for a vp nominee and somebody convinced him to pick Sarah of Wasilla. Since the Democrats raised the bar with an actual black man and a woman with enough experience and pants suits to shut them down, the GOP returned the favor by giving the people Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska and all around turd of a candidate. Looking like a strange combination of Tina Fey and Peggy Hill, Palin gave McCain’s campaign new life. Until she started speaking.

Obviously lacking in the talent and experience department all McCain’s campaign could talk about was how feisty, and tough Sarah Palin was. The more the curtain was pulled back the more she hid behind soft ball questions and catchy phases like “You betcha.” Soon after the McCain run for president was crushed under the weight of Palin’s heart hype.

Preston “Bodie” Broadus

“Bodie, look behind you.”

Were my words to as the Wire’s Preston “Bodie” Broadus caught one in the back of his head from the kid who looked like Chil Ali’s baby cousing during the fourth season of the Wire. Bodie played his role well while working for the Barksdales. He worked as a corner boy in the pit and even stepped up and killed his own friend Wallace when the organization needed him eliminated. After the Barksdale crew had their run ended by Stringer Bell’s death and a massive wave of arrests that sent Avon to jail, this left Marlo Stansfield’s vampiric(so not a word) a** in charge of the bulk of Baltimore’s drug game. Bodie soon found himself as a man without a country after standing tall for a crew that had ceased to exist.

Bodie pushed through, buying from Marlo’s people who were growing increasingly more violent toward independents and other larger dealers. After his boy is killed by Marlo’s crew Bodie is then accused of snitching. Knowing his days were number and not having the man power or resources to mount a proper defense, Bodie still showed just how much heart he had and stood tall when the rest of his crew bailed.

I’ve listed three instances where having “heart” has proved to be detrimental. Sure Palin is raking in the cash, but she’s a polarizing side-show that will never get elected again. If you can name some more times where having heart just wasn’t enough to get the job done.

“I’m Gifted Unlimited aw f*** the rest you n*****s know me”

R.I.P Guru