I read way too many comic books. Anyone who knows me is well aware of my dirty, not so little secret. Yes, folks my nerd game is proper.(No Hammer.) On Sunday my brother and I were asked about my our friend Joe by one of our sisters and some how were began talking about how everyone has a friend who will do any thing and Joe is that I guy. I mumbled to myself, “Yeah, he’s crazy. He’s our Deadpool.”
So after this conversation and a few showing of commercials for the recent A-Team remake I started thinking about what heroes or action characters would my friends be. So after thinking for a few days I’ve compiled a list of several of the men and one woman that I’m proud to say that are on the team and who they would be if they were in the superhero business. ***Last names will not be used to protect the names of the innocent quasi-innocent. (These people are my friends after all.) So here’s the list and please direct your hate mail and death threats towards me. I’m going to ignore but send it my way.
Stephen Y**** Jr./Batman (Justice League of America)
This is definitely my big brother’s character. He’s not a multi-millionaire industrialist playboy and I’m pretty sure he”ll I know he would shoot you but I’ve got one made-up word to describe why he’s Batman; gadgetry.(He’s futuristic because he f***s with the future.) One of the smartest people I know by far he has proven to be capable of anything. Superman once called Batman the most dangerous man in the world and there have been times when I’ve thanked God that my brother’s a good person. If he ever goes sideways lord help us!
The Mario W*********/Hawkeye (The Avengers)
I’ve known this man since Mrs. Kinsey’s first grade class and during the course of the subsequent 25 years that I’ve called him my friend three things have remained the same. One, he’s extremely loyal in any situation. Two, just like Clint Barton he talks a ton of s*** to everybody and anybody who’ll listen.( Then again he’s in radio and that’s kind of his job.) And the third and finally trait that makes him my teams Hawkeye is that he most often thinks with his heart. Yes, he may fly off the handle, but good friends stop you from doing dumb sh**.
Olando “O” S*********/ Luke Cage (The Avengers/Thunderbolts/Heroes for Hire)
Does O have super strength? Nope! (Although he’ll tell you otherwise.) impenetrable skin? Naw. Is he 6 ft 6? No. (Honestly, every man thinks he’s 6 ft 6 inches tall in his own mind. Scary place that male mind. I’ve yet to figure out why you ladies want anything to do with what’s happening up there.) In spite of O not having any of Luke Cage’s powers he remains one of the most loyal men I know. Like Cage, O is the consummate family man. Just like Cage I’m sure if you mess with his wife or kids he’ll beat your a** and keep beating it until you get the point.
Like I said in my intro everybody has one friend who will do absolutely anything. The Lakers have Ron Artest and we have Joe. This is for various reasons: They may be that good of a friend, they stick up for the people, or they are f***ing insane! Joe is all of these things and Joe is also f***ing insane. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen this man pull off some the craziest stunts and walk away laughing just like Deadpool. If you don’t believe me I’ve got several cats from Allendale, SC who may recall an evening on Bells Rd that involved two rude hoodrat neighbors, a case of Budweiser, an army field knife, and a can of gasoline. Best n***** moment ever! So when I found out he volunteered to jump out of perfectly good airplanes for a living I was not shocked. Every deck has a wild card and Joe is ours. Besides if I were told that he started carrying a Samurai sword like Deadpool I wouldn’t be shocked at all.
Hasan P********/Nick Fury (S.H.I.E.L.D)
Real talk, this negro will disappear in the blink of an eye. If he didn’t work with computers I would swear he was a master spy. For all I know he could be in the room with me right now and I wouldn’t know about it. Creepy-a** Burn Notice ninja.
Ced R****/The Beast(The X-Men/Avengers)
Sans the blue fur and the giant house cat aesthetic Ced is bigger, stronger, faster, and smarter than you and there isn’t jack sh** you can do about it. Don’t hate him. Hate your parent’s genetic make up. Life just isn’t fair sometimes. He’s a freak of nature, whose parents throw a hell of a cookout, so deal with it.
Ferdi C*****/Iron Man (The Avengers/Alcoholics Anonymous)
“He’s a cool exec music teacher with a heart of steel” I only know two men who I could ever imagine donning metal suit that would allow him to fly and blow ish up and one of them is on the list as Batman. More gadgetry. More explosions. More f***ing with the future. He and my Batman work really well together. (Someone should keep an eye on them.)
Crystal “Miss Moneypenny” C***/Misty Knight (Heroes for Hire)
Who is Misty Knight? A bada** that’s who! Combine the likes of Christie Love, Cleopatra Jones and Coffey add a Tony Stark built bionic arm and multiply by a fiance who is a kung fu billionaire you’ll have Marvel Comics obscenely under used super heroine. Misty Knight does not take any sh*t from anybody and neither does Crystal C*** (Especially from your boy.) Me and everybody love her for it.
Duane L*****/The Thing(The Fantastic Four)
I can only describe Duane as a good man. Under all of his silly, Jack Daniels soaked antics Duane is always the guy that there. My favorite gravedigger/banker always has friends and family in mind.
I could go on and on with this simply because I’ve read a lot of comics and I know lots of people, but these folks are the ones who make my list. Make your own or talk among yourselves.
Vaya con Dios.