During the course of my work day I find myself stuck at my desk causing my 7.5 hours to seem longer than they actually are. To make things worse I have this thing about complete silence that drives me crazy. To alleviate the loud silences I listen to ESPN Radio, NPR, or whatever crap any of the local mafia radio stations are playing at the time. To be safe and not have to explain a song to 50 something housewives who loiter in my area for to long I usually just listen to ESPN.
Sports radio hosts are just like other disc jockeys “on air personalities” (I honestly think there should be more disc jockeys. Then maybe, just maybe the radio wouldn’t sound like a broken record. Seriously, have you ever heard anyone sing “Last night an on air personality saved my life from a broken heart”? Come the f*ck on.) have their quirks to draw in the listeners. One personality on ESPN, Colin Cowherd’s schtick is that he intentionally comes off as an elitist deuce/shock jock. During the three-hour time length of his show Cowherd usually draws the ire of a few of his listeners because he has no problem disagreeing with them. Once he disagrees with them he will, in the most condescending way possible tell them that he knows more about the topic du jour than they do because of the extensive research that he and his staff does. He is fond of using the motto “I am research.” When his audience reacts to declarations like this via e-mail or phone call, it’s almost guaranteed that someone will call Colin Cowherd a snob. When this happens he then retorts with “Well, everybody is a snob about something.”
For someone who looks like the ShamWow guy he nailed it. Every single homo sapiens on the planet is a snob about something that they hold near and dear to them. Sure you may partake in something if your options are limited but if Joe and Jane Public had their druther the would remain as inflexible as possible about their choices. Me, myself, personally have several things that I’m a snob about. Why? Because that’s why?
Here are three things that I will turn my nose up at if I don’t feel they meet my standards:
I’m a very southern man and we southerners are really into football. We watch all types but there’s nothing better than watching college football on a Saturday. That being said, I prefer to watch team from the south or the southwest play. More specifically, teams from the SEC. Sure the Southern California’s of the world play at a high level, but it isn’t the same. I’m such a snob about college football that I have tiers or southern football teams that I will spend time watching. If I were given the choice of watching two lower-rung SEC teams like Mississippi State and South Carolina play each or watching two top-ranked ACC teams like Georgia Tech and Clemson play I’m probably going to watch the Bulldogs and the Thunder Chickens. It just feels more like football. The Big Ten game that ESPN shoves down the throats of the rest of the nation at noon on Saturdays will promptly be switched to another channel. Minnesota Golden Gophers… the Big Ten teams might as well wear sweaters and leather helmets when then play. Anything other than southern college football just seems pedestrian.
My name is Wu Young, and I’m an addict. I don’t have very many vices. I curse and I enjoy a nice, strong, black woman cup of coffee every morning. (I almost got side-tracked for a moment there.) Just like any other addict, I prefer the best hit possible. I absolutely abhor weak-a** coffee. I’ll drink it if I have too, (We’ve got to keep the anger birds away.) but I view weak coffee as a survival mechanism. That’s right, no gas station coffee for me. Give me the darkest blends possible and I’m a happy man. It doesn’t matter if it’s from Avon Barksdale and Stringer Bell (Maxwell House and Folders), Tony Montana (Duncan Donuts), or Nino Brown (Starbucks) the inner-beast is immediately calmed with the first steaming hot sip. I love it, I need it, I fiend for it, and I rarely accept any substitutes. Good coffee is an essential part of my life. I like to have the coffee that Jules and Jimmy were drinking while they were discussing dead n***er storage.
To the surprise of many, I listen to many genres of music, but at heart I’m a hip hop head. (This may be the beginnings of an old man rant.) Due to the fact that I was a teen in the 1990’s I was blessed to have witnessed and listened to what some may call hip hop’s golden age. During that time I listened to tons of hip hop from all across the map, but I was really a fan of East Coast and Southern hip hop. I just wasn’t feeling Deathrow like that. (Sure, I can name a lot of great west coast hip hop songs, but I would start to stray from my point.) Because there was so many dope artists and music at the time hip hop was easy to listen to. The Dungeon Family, Gangstarr, The Roots, Wu-Tang, Scarface (Shout out to my little big sister Dale for narcing the fellas and I out about that Ghetto Boys tape.), Biggie Smalls, Nas, The Native Tongues, and Mobb Deep furnished a big part of the soundtrack for my teenage years. Boom bap, jazz samples, that tick followed by that bump, and Premo scratching the living hell out of chorus has made an absolute snob out of your friendly neighborhood Agent of M.E. when it comes to rap music. Granted I’m not as bad as KRS-One but I’m pretty judgemental when it comes to rappers and mc’s. Err time I hear or read about MC Next Big Name, I scoff and shake my fist Abe Simpson style. I guess this is same as my pops comparing all baseball players to Willie Mays and Hank Aaron.
So those are three of the things that I’m a complete snob about. What are yours?
*Tune in next time for “Dear Love, It’s me Superhead” or “Why Sarah Palin is the most ghetto person in America? “*