Want to know a little secret?
*Looking around to see who’s watching.*
I’m a black man.
Yep, I’m a black man. The same as my daddy, his daddy, and his daddy’s daddy before him.
Want to know who else is?
Barack Hussein Obama.
The dude with the crazy eyes who flushed your transmission last Tuesday.
That cat who boosted your iPod out of your Corolla after one Hennessy to many.
For better of for worse all of these cats are black men.
According to the 2000 Census there were close to 17 million of us. (Of course you can give or take a few since then because we lost James Brown, Ray Charles, your two cousins who got shot at Man-Man’s house party, and that UPS guy who wandered in to Zed’s pawn shop.) Back to my point there are a lot black men in the ole U.S of A, and we simply cannot be avoided unless you live in one of those gated neighborhoods, or you’re Richard Branson and you have your own spaceship. (This may not be true because some rapper may move in next door. In the case of the space ship Levar Burton and that dude who plays Mr. Worf may just integrate things on your block.)
For the past few years it has been black women who have been thrust into the spot light. More specifically highly educated “successful” black women. It seems that “successful” black women are having time of it when it comes to finding spouses who are on equal footing with them academically, financially, and every other capacity imaginable. The media, mildly humorous comedians, reality television producers, and Booger from “He Got Game” have all been spending a lot of time meting out advice to the single, sexy, and educated black women of the world who are trying to get their “Michele Obama” on.
This may be crass on my part, but I really couldn’t give four sh*ts either way, because Miss Moneypenny is well, Miss Moneypenny. Because of Miss Moneypenny’s inherent Miss Moneypennyness I have been blessed with the opportunity to tune out the why the above mentioned single, sexy, and educated sisters cannot find true love panel discussions between a thrice-divorced schmuck in an ugly suit who needs to trim his mustache, two black women with five doctorates between them, and Booger from “He Got Game”. I can gladly say that I’m a better man for not listening to the “Why can’t I find a man?/Here’s why you can’t find a man.” conversations but I’ve learned one thing from the few times I have listened. It’s brief, rather subliminal, and fully disheartening message:
Black men ain’t sh*t!!!
*I’m looking at you Leroy and Skillet. Same goes for you Jamal. Most of the Miami Heat too.(I’ll include the Puerto Rican cat for good measure.)*
I may be reaching here, but from the conversations I’ve heard this is what the panelists are saying without really saying. Fellas I hate to break it to you, but you ain’t sh*t. Not worth a plug nickel.(Seriously, I’ve always heard that term, but does anyone know what a plug nickel is?) I won’t take up a lot of your time today and you can go back to eating your chicken, selling crack to kids, lamenting on why your rap career never took off, making babies that you’ll never take care, or whatever it you were doing. Just hear me out.
During these roundtable discussions our massive levels of suckage is always implied by all those involved, but the fact that the media, the panelists, and Dr. Dana with all of the degrees think we suck is never spoken. *Could you imagine if Fox News did a “Why are successful black women single?” panel? That could possible rival both “The Flavor of Love” and “The Birth of a Nation” as the most racist thing ever video recorded.*
Is our unspoken suckage is so bad that we should just send all of the lonely, educated black women to Robert De Niro’s house. I heard he’s got your back. Seriously, I know that black men don’t attend or graduate college at a rate as high of that of black women, but this entire topic reeks of skullduggery and shenanigans. Not to make it about us, but if there are so many lonely, highly educated black women shouldn’t their male counterparts have the same issues? (DO NOT come with that weak-ass “their with a white girl” argument either. Please check out number five from one my earlier posts this week. )
As you can tell I’m a little vexed about who brothers are being portrayed in these conversations so my question is to my reader(s) is this: Am I reaching a little when I say that the countless Nightline reports, Newsweek articles, and stories from other media outlets are subliminally saying that we suck?
I don’t think I’m reaching at all. We aren’t perfect, but I am somebody and God don’t make no junk so I know I ain’t wack.
Let me know and if you think I’m wrong I’ll shut up. If you agree, tell me why.