Category Archives: Open letters

Dear Alvin Greene

Dear Alvin Greene, 

As a member of The Legion of Those Who Are Darker-Hued I am asking you to stop doing whatever it is that you do. Namely, your senatorial campaign and your public life. 

You literally popped out of now where in June to win the nomination for South Carolina’s Democratic senatorial ticket. After the shock of your nomination, your numerous attempts at public speaking, and your overall suckitude I got over you. 

On August 13th you were indicted on a felony charge for showing porn to a co-ed at USC in Columbia. This too didn’t bother me because I knew it was coming and hell I actually chuckled a little. 

Unfortunately, this morning I get to work and opened www.theroot.com  that linked me to another story at www.msnbc.com and I see a story by Meg Kinnard at the Associated Press in Columbia detailing you and a female companion being kicked out of an Oconee County eatery because said female companion got into and altercation with several other customers at the restaurant. 

Alvin this is just said. It’s bad enough that you don’t have the acumen to run for a senate seat (Even in South Carolina). It’s also bad enough that you added another car to South Carolina’s long train of historic idiocy. Again It’s also bad enough that you are being charged with a felony for being pervert but now you go and have a n***er moment in a restaurant in Seneca, South Carolina of all places. 

Alvin please just go back to Manning and hang out with your people. Don’t worry about putting South Carolina back to work, worry about putting you back to work. I honestly think your talents would be wasted on Capitol Hill. Alvin I’m normally against people being selfish, but this time I implore you to go and be selfish and use that Herculean drive of yours and just do you. 

If the subtle approach doesn’t work here’s the another option: Alvin, don’t go away mad, just go away. 

Vaya con Dios 

Wu Young 

Chairman of The Legion of Those Who Are Darker-Hued

You just can’t okay! or It’s different when we call each other that!

Dear Dr. Laura,

Before I start I will make one thing clear; I’m not a fan of the political correct police. I say things that are kind of foul all the time but there’s one difference; I don’t have a radio show.

In light of your recent usage of the “N-Word” I’ve decided to explain what you did wrong. This probably won’t make much sense to you and people who think like you but I’m going to do my best to make it nice and clear.

You just can’t say “nigger”, “nigga”, or any variation of the word without penalty. Why? It’s because you aren’t black that’s why. Close your mouth while I explain. “Nigger” has about 400 some odd years of pain attached to it. This pain has been grafted into the minds of every black person who has ever lived in the new world. (Well everyone except Condi Rice.) Over time “nigger” became a term of endearment for black folks in America. Whether this is right or wrong that’s the way it is. The usage of the word has transcended class and educations lines as if it were as natural as breathing. It’s in our music, our jokes, our movies, and literature. That’s why “black comedians” as you put it use the word all the time.

The thing is Doc even the most down folks of other races (There is a special clause for Puerto Ricans) can’t use it. Marshall Mathers? Nope. William J. Clinton? Nah. Sarah Palin? Nyet. Bruce Lee couldn’t use it either. My point is it is that it is absolutely different when we call each other ”that”. It’s different in the same way that my female co-workers can call each other “bitch” without pause. I’m sure the Irish have some demeaning name given to them by the English that they jokingly refer to each other as. (Bono, The Edge, and that other guy in U2 are probably somewhere saving a gaggle of brown babies somewhere and are insulting the sh** out of each other.) I’m willing to bet that all races do this. Hell, I know for sure it evens transcends race and covers sexual preference also. I fondly remember and old boss, who is gay, saying “Keith, there is nothing funnier than a bunch of drunk f*****s bowling.” The fact that we use it is not right, but we do have the right to say it. (There are legions of black folks who think I’m wrong for thinking this way but oh well.)

So what I’m saying is that yes, you have you’re freedom of speech, but no you can’t say anything you want. You don’t own that word. It belongs to us. We don’t necessarily want it but it’s ours. While you’re at it please erase the following from your mind: F****t, kike, retard, wetback, beaner, slope, greaser, gook, moon cricket, jig, Kraut, Hun, limey, and whatever other slur that may refer to any other group that you don’t belong too. Whatever you do, don’t say them on the air. On the flipside feel free to use blowhard, douche bag, a**hat, dip sh**, moron, false prophet, and worthless flesh bag because you belong to all of those groups.

So in closing, sorry about you quitting your show and I hope you find your freedom of speech too and yes, I’m sure you have black friends.

Wu Young Agent of M.E.

Slavery! Really!?!? (An Open letter to Jesse Jackson)

Dear Reverend Jackson,

Slavery? Are you serious?

Last week Lebron James decided to pack his  bags, leave Cleveland, and go play for the Miami Heat. This lead to James’ former employer Dan Gilbert posting a nasty letter taking James to task about the way he carried himself during the free-agency process. For the first time, in what I’m guessing was a long time someone told Dan Gilbert “No!” and meant it.

The truth is Dan Gilberts’ massive ego was crushed. He became the proverbial undefeated heavy weight fighter that just got knocked out for the first time and he didn’t know how to handle it. Honestly, every man doesn’t know how to react to the taste of  his own blood and this is obviously a weak spot in Dan Gilbert’s character. Perhaps Mr. Gilbert will use this as a teaching moment for himself.

Reverend Jackson, you and Jim Brown to a lesser extent, then decided to describe the situation in the “runaway slave/slave master” dynamic.  “I almost expected to see a caricature of Dan Gilbert saying “I’m gonna get that boy if it’s the last thing I do!” Gilbert launched an all-out assault on Lebron James, his image, and his organization because Lebron literally took his ball and left. However to compare a multimillionaire who became a multimillionaire because he excels at a children’s game to chattel because he was on the business end of a harshly worded, poorly thought out letter is belittling. It wasn’t belittling to Lebron James as an individual, it was belittling to those of African descent in the Diaspora whose legacy is connected to actually slavery and you sir should know better. Our time on this side of the globe has not been easy but you’re getting upset about two rich men having what amounts to a tantrum is a waste of anger.

Is this the fight you need to be involved in? How are the schools in Newark? D.C? Detroit? New Orleans? Chicago? South Carolina? Now those are fights that need fighting. Gilbert versus James is just another case of two rich men with large egos having a falling out with one another. Nothing more nothing less. The NBA’s free agency hoopla was just a poorly executed exercise in free market economics, unabashed egomania, and grand standing but not slavery, so just get over it.

If you want to compare anything to slavery please take a look at the NCAA member schools profiting from the images and exploits of “scholar-athletes” in the tune of millions dollars annually.  Put pressure on those same schools to help increase graduation rates for those same “scholar-athletes” while you’re at it. 

Reverend Jackson, I don’t know what is actually behind your speaking out against Dan Gilbert’s letter but I just don’t understand why you did it. If you are the leader you claim you are, sir I suggest you pick a bigger fight that actually worth fighting.

Vaya con Dios,

Wu Young