You know what are absolute bullsh*t? Opinion polls. Why? Well mostly because those that are doing the opining are full of said bullsh*t. [i] If you truly want to see the bull puckey ratched up a notch, ask someone about politics or sports. [ii]
Today, let’s talk about sports polls. More specifically the Forbes Magazine list of Most Disliked Athletes caught my attention. Some of the selections just seem dubious to me. Professional athletics is filled with unlikeable characters but some of the choices on the Forbes’ list are just head-scratchers.
- Michael Vick – I like Ron Mexico and I’m glad that he’s on the road to redemption. The fact that he killed Astro, Scooby, Goofy, and Snoopy for sh*ts and giggles will simply never sit right with some folks. This selection actually makes sense to me. Frankly, it was deplorable and he paid a high cost for his actions also.[iii] He’s basically number one because hardcore dog lovers, liberals, Tucker Carlson, and various others won’t get over it.
- Tiger Woods – Tiger is hated because he was always a smug elitist and most of the public actually thought he drove a Buick but after the Valkyrie he married went up side his head the real Tiger was exposed. Hey America, this is your bad. You fell for an image.
- Plaxico Burress – Plax doesn’t belong on this list AT. ALL. Cheddar Bob only hurt himself. He’s an idiot for having an illegal handgun and you know what? It’s over New York. He paid the price by going to prison and having to play for that burning garbage scow filled with fake tough guys called the New York Jets.
- Ndamukong Suh – I actually understand Ndamukong’s place here. Sure you want your defensive linemen to be aggressive and nasty but there’s a difference between being that and flagrant. He stomped on dude like he was pretending to be Ronnie Garvin in the school yard then came up with several lame excuses to justify why he did it. Come on son.
- Kris Humphries – Kris Humphries inclusion on this list actually proves two things: A) That we need another Vietnam to thin out the ranks of America’s sports fans. B) Many of the people who took part in this poll aren’t really sports fans. We only know who this guy is because he briefly married Kim K. Yeah, he’s a lumbering idiot but there’s no reason for a role player on the New Jersey Nets to be anywhere near this list.
- Lebron James – Decision, desmision. Yes, the hour-long fellating of Lebron James that was spurred on by ESPN was pretentious and overblown. The presentation sucked but I still maintain that those who dislike Lebron hate him because he did something that ever American worker wants to do: He left one sh*tty company to go work for another in a better climate with better coworkers. [iv] The NBA is an unwatchable mess but Lebron has nothing to do with that.
- Kobe Bryant – I don’t even like Kobe and I understand his place on this list. He’s a smug automaton; alleged rapist, philanderer, and spoiled brat who I think should be higher up this list. If someone tells you that they would rather have a beer with Kobe than Lebron then they’re probably a Laker sycophant… and that’s just what Laker fans are sycophants. [v]
- Terrell Owens – T.O. doesn’t even matter anymore so why in the hell is he on this list? Actually he hasn’t been a factor in a meaningful football game since he left Philly so what gives?
- Alex Rodriguez – A-Rod is one of the better baseball players I’ve ever seen but he’s a Yankee so to hell with him.
- Kurt Busch – Kurt Busch is a NASCAR driver. It’s not a sport and if it wasn’t for this list Kurt Busch would be Benjamin Disraeli to me—I don’t even know who he is.
All snark aside I have one major grip with this list; it’s a tad too brown for my liking. Am I to believe that all but one of the top ten biggest a**hats in professional sports are black dudes. Where was this poll done at a Tea Party meeting or something? Andy Roddick isn’t doing anything but being petulant, losing tennis matches, and being a Brooklyn Decker’s husband so he could have easily been given a spot.
What your thoughts on this list? (Or lists and polls in general?) Do y’all agree or disagree? Am I wrong for questioning why the list is so mmm… brown? Most of the members of the Thirteen are sports fans, so there has to be some feedback out there. Tell it?
Vaya con Dios.
[i] I was looking at my reflection in the mirror when I typed that last sentence ‘cause I’m guilty.
[ii] Shout out to Col. Potter!
[iii] I still maintain that the punishment levied against Vick was more about interstate gambling than the actual fighting of dogs.
[iv] Hey Cleveland riddle me this. If Ohio is so awesome, why does everyone from Ohio move south?
Shots Barrage fired!!!