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Teams That I Would Never, Not For Nothing, Pull For

Thanks to my sister, Dale I’m a pretty big sports fan. A bulk of my view about sports is based on what I learned from by watching her when I was a young warthog. For instance I am both an Oakland Raiders and UNC Tar Heel men’s basketball fan because that’s who she watched and pulled for. However, this little of post of mine isn’t about teams that I actually like.

Every sports fan has a team or group of teams that they absolutely loathe. They may be a rival for your squad or they may not. Their defeats are almost as sweet as your squad’s victory. [i] So after b**tching about not having anything to write about for about a month I’ve decided to compile a somewhat comprehensive list of teams that I’m sure that I’ll never, ever, ever, ever pull for. [ii]

1. The Duke Blue Devils (Men’s Basketball) – Like I said, I grew up a Tar Heel fan and in my mind Coach K’s squad represents pure, unadulterated evil. I have nothing to back that claim up with but I cannot remember a single time in my life when I sat in front of the television while Duke was losing and said “Man, I hope they this pulls out.” [iii] Seeing the Blue Devils on the ropes and watching Coach K pretend to not be concerned is certainly almost as sweet as this happening against UNC. I don’t blame folks like Grant Hill for making me hate Duke but I do blame Dick Vitale, my friends Ferdi and Hassan, and Wojo. Especially Wojo.

2. The Denver Broncos – A frank and hammer and a nail are never going to love each other. It’s just not the way of the world. I’m a Raiders fan and the way I feel about the Broncos is the way Yankee fans feel about BoSox fans. I don’t view any other team in the AFC West as a rival except the Denver Broncos. No matter if it’s the horse face killers (Elway and Sharpe) or Tim Tebow I wish nothing but defeat upon those who inhabit Mile High Stadium. [iv] (Or whatever faceless corporate entity the stadium is named after now.) If the Raiders ever return to the top of the NFL heap they must dominate the Broncos to do it.

3. The Indiana Hoosiers (Men’s Basketball) – I have no damn reason to not like the Hoosiers but I absolutely can’t stand them. It’s probably Bobby Knight’s fault or some bullsh*t-a** reason like that. Even when the Hoosiers were good watching them was just…blah. They are a heaping bowl of vanilla ice cream with vanilla sprinkles on a hot summer’s day. Sure it’s far from the worst thing ever but it will never be my first, second, or tenth choice either.

4. The Citadel (In every aspect possible.)  – I should dislike The Citadel’s sports teams because I they are the College of Charleston’s crosstown rival. Sadly, that has nothing to do with anything. I dislike them because at 4:30am on April 12th, 1861 Citadel cadets were among those who lit the fuses on the cannons that started a little kerfuffle that would lead to 600,000 dead Americans. [v]

5. The Auburn Tigers (Football) –  Again we have a hammer not loving a nail situation. I pull for Alabama’s football team so my dislike of Auburn’s football squad is necessary. I don’t live in Alabama so I’m not a raging psycho about the Alabama/Auburn rivalry but I just can’t bring myself to pull for the Tigers. [vi] I’m not foolish enough to not admit that both Bo Jackson and Cam Newton were dope. I will never kill anything for the sake of my teams but I will say Roll Tide whenever I get the chance.

6. The Clemson Tigers (Football) – In the state of South Carolina when it comes to college football you have a few choices to make. You can pull for any college football team that you want to. This team does not have to be Clemson or South Carolina but there is one minor detail: You have to pick one of the previously mentioned teams that you have to pull against. I chose to dislike Clemson. This is mainly because all of my siblings attended USC, I generally want the Gamecocks to do well to rep the state, and because most Clemson fans have this odd “better than” attitude that is based on nothing. [vii] If you are going to be arrogant, be arrogant for a reason.

7. The Los Angeles Lakers – Cause your supposed to not like them. When I prematurely posted this blog on Sunday Malik commented that the Lakers were too low on the list. They rank  this low because I don’t care about the NBA. (Watching the NBA to me is like watching Piers Morgan on CNN. It might grab your attention briefly then you realize what the hell you’re doing and change the channel.) I used to care but now it gives me the blahs. The NBA is almost on the same level with hockey and NASCAR with me. Blame Kobe’s rat face.

Pardon me if my dislike of these teams makes me seem as if I’m a massive hater or something but to be honest with yourselves- part of rooting for your teams or any team is based on wanting some other team of clowns to lose.  Every sports fan, whether hardcore or casual, has a squad that when defeated secretly makes them do the Herman Cain smile on the inside. What are yours? I know I picked a few universally reviled teams but feel free to co-sign or add more. The more regional hate the better too. So feel free to let all of your sports dislike out right here. I’ll listen well.

Vaya con Dios.

The Roots — Stomp

[i] By sweet, I mean “Oh, let me taste your tears, Scott”, sweet.

[ii] I’m about 99% sure about this. As an example of my sureness, I’m about as sure that I would never root for these teams as I’m sure that the people who created Forever Lazy, the Snuggie, and Glee hate America and your mothers.

[iii] #TWSS

[iv] As much grief as I give Elway and Sharpe I have to admit that they both were damn good. They gave the Raiders problems for a long time. I honestly, thought Elway was the best QB ever until Peyton and Brady showed up.

[v] I mean did you really think you could just take your ball and slaves and go home. Really!?!?

[vi] I still maintain that if I ever lived in Alabama that I would not pull for Bama. I don’t do cult like ish.

[vii] Sure Clemson bought won a national title in 1981 but that doesn’t make you elite. It just makes you Georgia. I think the stems from an odd little personality quirk that many South Carolinians have that just won’t allow us to let go of things that happened in the past. (See endnote v.)

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16 responses to “Teams That I Would Never, Not For Nothing, Pull For

  1. As long as Lane Kiffin is the coach of The USC Trojans, I’d like them to lose every game.

    There is nothing The Phillies, Eagles, Deadskins, Giants, and Patriots can do to get off of my shitlist.

    Any team linked to a Brett Favre comeback rumor goes into the “fuck em pile.”

    At the moment I’d like to see Manny Pacqiao lose. His “victory” over Juan Manuel Marquez left a bad taste in my mouth, and killed any fondness I had for him as a fighter.

    Every time Antonio Margarito gets his eye closed in a fight I smile. There is no room for loaded gloves in boxing.

    Did I say I hate The Phillies? Good luck being weighed down by the contract of Ryan “The Twinkie Killer” Howard.

    • I never pull for So Cal either.I don’t like Lance Kiffen (You may be actually be a piece of sh*t if the crazy version of Al Davis was right about you.) because he comes off as classless. The comments that he made to Alshon Jeffrey pretty much proved that too.

      I figured that you would hate the entire NFC East. Most teams other than the Raiders get the “meh” from me. I don’t like the Jets because I think they are fake tough guys. They want to be the Ravens so bad. Other than that I don’t pay any attention to them.

      Everyone dislikes Brett now dog. He worked hard to make it that way.

      They way you feel about Manny is the way I feel about Floyd’s black-a**. I don’t know if it is an act but he comes off as a piece of sh*t human being. His spat with his dad on camera didn’t help either. I didn’t watch Manny/Marquez III. The concept of it bored me. Margarito is getting his a** beaten by karma every time he enters the ring. He’s a dirty bastard if there is one in sports.

      That Howard contract was idiotic. I will admit that I watch them but don’t pull for them. I like Rollins and I always thought that if Dusty Rhodes was a baseball manager he would be Charlie Manuel.

  2. Dallas Cowboys. Oh how, I hate them. They are the only team I absolutely despise. I will root for ANY team that plays them. I love to see them lose, I love to talk sh*t to their fans when they lose. I love to see their epic meltdowns (Hi Jason Garrett). I love to see Jerry Jones’ struggleface. F their hoe azzes.

  3. The entire NFC East can kiss my azz, and that goes thrice for the Cowboys. Blue stars have forever been tainted for me. Any mention of “Dallas” causes a Pavlovian reaction from me.

    I hate Duke because I have an allegiance to the University of Maryland (although I never attended it).

    I hate the Pittsburgh Penguins because they’re rivals with the Capitals.

    I have no real reason to hate the Lakers, the Yankees, and the Pats other than I just do.

    • They NFC East hate is on eleven today.

      The Penguins huh? Never picture you for hockye hate.

      Duke could take the floor against a squad of Waffen SS soldiers and I wouldn’t pull for them.

      Some teams are loathed on a universal level. The Yankees are entertaining to me. I don’t like them though.

      • NFCE has a lot of hate to give.

        I’m a big home team fan. So any rivals of my home teams get my hatred. I don’t follow college ball or hockey a lot, but I know that Duke and the Penguins are rivals so I hate them. I’m making an attempt to get more into hockey because the games are actually really entertaining.

        The Wizards were rivals with the Cavs for a minute because they kept knocking us out of the playoffs year after year. Neither team really matters right now so I don’t think it’s a rivalry anymore.

  4. I was waiting for this post to come back.
    I. AM. DYING!!!!!!! LMFAO!!!!

    Let’s see…
    I am an Eagles fan. The hate for formally known as America’s Team is strong within me. (Even if i did grow up rooting for them. The irony).

    I don’t root for a team with whiny petulant children for players: See Bears, Chicago, Chargers, San Diego (aka Jay Cutler and Philip Rivers)

    I don’t watch NHL, but since I’m born in Toronto, guess I have to root for the Leafs which means I’m supposed to hate the Canadiens. *shrug. I cheer for all Canadian hockey teams vs the American ones (it’s our national sport.. WHY THE EFF DOES CAROLINA HAVE A TEAM?? DOES IT EVEN SNOW THERE???). woosah.

    I don’t do MLB. Next!

    I used to hate the Lakers. Mostly because of Kobe’s face. He’s been supplanted by Lebron for me. Yes. The hate in me for that dude is at Code Red levels. If he NEVER wins a ring, I’ll be a happy girl.

    I sometimes wish I was an American so that I can have college teams to root for or against. With all my visits to DC, I’ve adopted Maryland because the slogan ‘fear the turtle’ SLAYS me everytime. I did grow up watching the Wolverines and hating Notre Dame. (i kinda still do. No logical reason).

    I think I’m an underdog, anti-overhype kind of fan.

    GREAT POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    PS: this might get me kicked out, but as a person of Jamaican heritage, I root EXTRA hard against the US in Summer Olympic play. #coolrunnins!

    • More NFC East hate…mmmmm.

      I don’t do hockey at all. We have a good minor league team here and I still don’t care.

      I forgot about the Olympics. I only pay attention to the summer games when the US excels. I love watching track and the US does well. Pull for JA those are your peoples.

      I still don’t get the widespread Lebron hate. He did what every worker in a captalist system wished they could. His delivery was jacked but I don’t have any issues.

      Have some more pie KB.

  5. PPS: i JUST saw the tags for this post.
    *falls out all over again.

  6. LOL!!

    I agree with all of this, except #1. I love Duke. Folks hate excellence. Its all good. lol.

  7. Well, I don’t like the New Orleans Hornets. Ever since they moved from Charlotte, I have thought that the mascot doesn’t fit, the colors don’t fit, and name is ours! Yeah my reasons are silly.

  8. Pingback: Sh*t Talkers — What Kind Are You? | Up Here on Cloud 9

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