America Gets A Second Job

Well, after the recent debt ceiling debacle it’s clear that America (The populous) is not doing so well. The freaks who we elected to govern found it necessary to screw us without any dinner. A proposed debt ceiling deal is floating out there and from what I can tell we the people got hosed. Barack, Soul Brother Number 1 and Congress (both Republican and Democratic) were about as useful as the French Army against the professional group of nut jobs that is the Tea Party who want to party like it’s 1872. (My sister Gina brought up a good point last night. She said if we lived like the Tea Baggers wanted us to the country would burn down like a Tennessee meth lab.)

From what I can tell the debt ceiling deal cuts spending but has no revenue coming in. (And by revenue I mean taxes.) Since there is no revenue coming in I’ve come to the conclusion that America (By “America” I mean the government or Uncle Sam) needs a second job. According to the C.I.A World Factbook there are 313,232,044 American citizens. The nation has bills. We owe people. We drive on roads that need to be repaired. Many depend on the government for Social Security and healthcare. Truth is there has to be money coming in to Uncle Sam’s pocket so he pay out to those who need to be paid. Once again America needs a second job that it can do from six to eleven a few nights a week and maybe catch a few double shifts on the weekend.

Here are my suggestions for America’s side hustle:

  1. Weed – Sell that sh*t. Sell lots of it. Use it to fund everything imaginable. I only foresee one problem with America selling weed: America will just smoke the product and get lazy. Big Worm won’t like that.
  2. Pizza Delivery– America it’s football season and people are going to order tons of pizza so get your a** in gear, head over to Papa Johns, fill out that application, and get those tips. Look Uncle Sam just flip all of those tips into revenue.
  3. Real Estate– Rent Israel out as a time share. I don’t care if you have to lie to the renters and say it’s a good neighborhood but get it done.
  4. Cutco Knives/Wellness Products—At this point America isn’t better than a pyramid scheme. If America needs to sell steak knives or Body Magic to balance the books then do so. All you have to do is buy in and rent a conference room at the Airport Radisson and soon your money woes will be over.
  5. Shade tree mechanic work— Uncle Sam just roll up you sleeves and fix Miss Anne Mae’s alternator. The next night work on your neighbor’s brakes. Print some business cards to hand out and charge their a**es for the labor. As soon as the news of your mechanical prowess gets around the neighborhood then you’ll have a steady side hustle.

Anyone have any other suggestions for jobs that America can take on so that it’s a** can continue to function? Don’t suggest Avon or Amway because everyone sells that stuff. Outside of prostitution chime in with your ideas to but Uncle Sam to work.

Vaya con dios.


7 responses to “America Gets A Second Job

  1. The nation has bills. We owe people.
    the fact that ppl DONT get this is just…. *sigh* wtf is wrong with our citizens?? dont they realize that NOTHING is free????? everything costs money. and yet you dont want taxes to be raised so that what, we can become China’s b*tches and live in a broke ass country?? oh ok, that makes perfect sense…

    3. Real Estate– Rent Israel out as a time share.
    I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!! *dying*

    instead of selling weed, America needs to legalize that sh*t and tax the HELL out of it. revenue would go up INSTANTLY.

    getting on the pole is ALWAYS a viable option for makin a lil change. America just needs to remember she might have to give up the goods in the back room–thats where the REAL money is.

    all else fails, have a bake sale and car wash. and by car wash i mean washing other country’s military tanks, planes, and submarines. get “free” labor from welfare recipients (most of em aint got no jobs any way, why arent we requiring them to do SOMETHING for the “free” tax payers-paid checks theyre getting?). i think this could really work.

    • We are so large of a nation that cutting back by itself isn’t a realistic option. We have financial obligations to our citizens as well as obligations based on defense and the welfare of others around the world. We’re Superman and if we stood down the world would go to sh*t.

      I’m not worried about China. I read a report a few weeks ago that they, along with a few other nations still want to be in the America business. Besides there are way too many Walmart store here for them to trip.

      Yeah, Israel needs to get off of our W-2.

      I would tax weed as much as possible. If people spend a ton of money on cigarettes they’d definitely buy weed.

      I’m all about putting welfare recipients to work. I see too many folks of working age who are home all day chilling when I get home. You’ve got to earn it somehow. The problem with washing other countries military equipment is that the fact that we sold that sh*t to them at a cut rate is apart of our problem. I’m all about a bake sale though.

  2. Redbox….. No, Allegra! Take Allegra back from over the counter and sell that to the new generation of allergy sufferers.

  3. Oh, I am tripping…. America should sell WEAVE!!! Lace fronts, Remi and and all! We have plenty of “newcomers” that have “pretty hair”. We can even sell the clipping for eyelash extensions! The hood would like that.. Heck, the basketball wives would pay top dolla, holla!!

    • Your idea works in theory but I’m firmly against the proliferation of bad hair styles as well as anything involving basketball concubines. Uncle Sam would be better off doing the Red Box thing. I can easily envision Joe Biden servicing a Red Box machine at the local grocery store.

  4. The Only Real Outcast

    Uncle Sam should sell incense on the street corners of America.
    …OR they can be hired mercenaries, kinda like the A-Team.
    The U.S.A-Team has a ring to it.

    • I could see Uncle Sam hustling incense. Maybe selling fitted baseball caps out of a grocery cart.

      Uncle Sam is already hiring itself out as mercenaries. They’ve whored the good men and women (Who deserve better.) of the military out to British Petroleum, Exxon, and several other companies on numerous occasions.

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