Last week, former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah of Wasilla managed to make one of the most horrendous gaffes of her career. At a meeting of like-minded dullards like herself Palin stated that Paul Revere warned the British of by ringing bells and sh*t. Read her entire statement.
“He who warned uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.”
As any person who stayed awake in elementary school for at least five minutes knows that’s not how that whole Paul Revere’s ride thingy went down. We all know that Paul Revere, a Massachusetts silversmith, found out about impending military actions by the British Army against colonial militia. Doing what any patriot would do, Revere, grabbed his horsey and a quart of beer and went about warning the colonial militia that the British Army was on the move.[i] (Does that make Revere a snitch of sorts?)
Later Palin went on Fox News and one of the hate bots that works there tried to give the ninny an out but she remained resolute in her blissful ignorance. The hate bot just shrugged and kept it moving, but I found the irony too much because I assumed that a person who has her nose up the business end of the tea party types’ rears would know pivotal facts about the war that founded “their nation”. The nation that they would like to “take back” from whomever.
Sarah’s inaccurate statement irked me because I hate when people say historically inaccurate sh*t. If my list of things that irk me were the college football polls, people making random and inaccurate historical statements would be in the top five. Every year the University of Historical Inaccurate Facts would have to fend of Conspiracy Theory State, Sweeping Generalization Tech, Interracial Dating Agricultural & Mechanical, and Black Women Have Problems College for the national championship.[ii] Inaccurate historical statements bother me way more than they should but everybody’s got their something.
So via my fingers and Sarah Palin’s mind her are some other facts that she would like you to know about history.
- The Tuskegee Experiment was one of the first forms of liberal welfare. It allowed syphilitic black men from Alabama to become fighter pilots in lieu of getting paid to do nothing by the Federal Government.
- The Jews helped Oskar Schindler not because they were forced to but because they were just doing their patriotic duty to their nation. Unlike liberals and the gotcha media who hate their country.
- MLK first met Joe Stalin at a frat party at Morehouse. They would remain close friends and tennis partners until Stalin’s untimely death from syphilis which he contracted because he shared a cup with a black fighter pilot at a frat party at Morehouse.
- Blacks are thankful for slavery because it got them into America. Just ask Soulja Boy, he speaks for all of us.
- Merle Haggard and George Jones got smashed in Conway Twitty’s basement one cold January night in 1976. The duo created a new form of American music which they decided call hip hop.
- Those black dudes from that movie Glory did their best to defend the Confederacy although Ferris Bueller did his best to stop them.
If anybody can come up with more facts that Sarah Palin or anyone else think are correct but are just plain wrong feel free to add them. Enjoy the song and feel free to be just as dumb as Sarah.
Vaya con Dios and you betcha!
[i] The British Army at this period didn’t take any sh*t. If they wanted what was yours they generally took it. They were just like the German army circa 1941, just much, much, more polite.
[ii] You Ain’t Sh*t Like Your F**king Daddy State is on probation. They didn’t pay their child support.