When Santa can’t make it happen./Dream toys.

‘Tis the season and what not.

 Doesn’t it feel like Christmas?

Yesterday morning in lieu of listening to Colin Cowherd at work I thumbed my nose at my company’s net security and listened to The Takeaway on the net. (It’s basically a public radio news show that airs on varioys NPR stations. It backed by the BBC and the NY Times so it’s mostly straight shooting and no MSNBC type liberal whining.) One of the stories was about how does an adult break the news to a child that their dream present for that year may be out of reach financially for Santa the family.

This along with a conversation I had with my friend The Mario Washington (You’ve got to say the whole thing.) after he put me onto the Hub Network which runs various television shows from the late 80’s and early 90’s. On Saturday just before South Carolina’s public beating by the Right Reverend Bishop Cecil Newton’s baby boy, Hub ran a mini series called Transformers: Prime. It’s basically another reboot of the old Transformers story that we all grew up with sans, Spike and Sparkplug Witwicky, Megan Fox’s Megan Foxiness, or Michael Bay’s excessive lack of directorial talent. (Why is it that Jamie Foxx and Jimmie Foxx got two xs and Megan only gets’s one? Is there an x tax or something?) However Starscream’s quest to out Iago, Iago in ho-a** behavior remains.

So anyway after thinking back on the Takeaway story and Transformers: Prime, I remembered the thing, the toy, and the prize that I always wanted: Optimus Prime. For those of you who don’t know Optimus Prime was the H.N.I.C. for the protagonists of the Transformers series, The Autobots. He was Clark Kent, Steve Rogers, John Shaft, and Josie Wales with the ability to change into a fire-engine red Peterbilt. I wanted that toy so bad that it hurt sometime.

I remember being in Walmart in Barnwell, SC with my pops around Christmas and we walked through the toy department. That’s when I saw Optimus Prime in all of his Optimus Primeness. I asked “Can I have that for Christmas?”

Pops picked up the box and saw the $35 price tag and said “We’ll see but I don’t know if we have it.”

***Me singing***

“Everrrrrrrryy body hurrrrrrrrrrts, Everrrrrrrryy body hurrrrrrrrrrts [sometimes]…”

You know what though, I got over it and realized that Pops was correct in his assertion. To a 3rd Grader it was pure bullocks at the time but I ended up enjoying Christmas just like I always did. That $35 meant a lot to a family on a budget. I have a fondness for a certain domesticated bird that we need not name. (Don’t do it Moneypenny.) My brother was no slouch when it came to eating and my pops and littlest big sister eat rice like got-damned Nigerians. (Nope, that’s not racist. Any Nigerian you know will tell you that their fondness for rice rivals that of South Carolinians. So there.)

Truth is Optimus Prime was a dope-a** toy. There’s one for sale at the comic book store that I frequent but I’m not trying to buy that joint. Every kid had a dream Christmas present that they wanted. It could have been a Red-Rider bb gun, some kind of a doll, a claymore (What? Little Serbian boys and girls like Christmas too. And for those of you keeping score, that was in fact racist as hell.), or a bike but I’ll guarantee you had a dream present.

What was it? Did you get it? How did you feel when you opened the box and saw it? Tell it to me, on the mountain, or where the hell you want to tell it.

Vaya con Dios.

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8 responses to “When Santa can’t make it happen./Dream toys.

  1. The Only Real Outcast (T.O.R.O!)

    –Prime was awesome! Soundwave should be more than Megatron’s do boy…Losing precious sleep watching it on HUB…
    –I wanted the GoBot version of Devestator. The thing had to have 30 cars! In case you didn’t know, GoBots were knockoffs of Transformers. Same concept, just a “poor man’s version”.

    • Soundwave was G. He would do anything Megatron said. No questions asked. Devastator was a forced too.

      GoBots… Meh. I just remebered one of them being an F-15 and the other being a Datsun 200z.

      • The Only Real Outcast (T.O.R.O!)

        I rarely got any Transformers (not by choice!) so an Optimus Prime wasn’t even on the radar…Now don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for GoBots–but even the best GoBot was no match for a living stereo.

        But there is another toy disappointment: VOLTRON! Complete with all 5 lions and the sword. I’m still a little salty about it…

        • I only got a few Transformers too. I had the dude that turned into a telescope. (I promptly took it apart I think.) I also got a triple-changer that turned into a Jet, a cat, and some weird tank or boat or something.

  2. I wanted He-man and Battle cat, and I got it. That is one of the only toys that I remember getting and like playing with. I didn’t stay into toys for very long. I always wanted exotic animals that were probably not sold in the US. Sad thing is, my mama probably tried to get it. I bet she looked like a fook going to the pet store and asking for a Gila Monster. But hey, she worked her fingers off in The Mill to do this.. I look back and wonder how she did what she did. But…she did love and took advantage of overtime opportunities. You know what?? Kids suck.

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