The Rules.

In the last couple of weeks I’ve had the chance to re-watch 2/3 of one of my favorite movie trilogies. The Transporter films are basically mindless entertainment that stars one of my favorite character actors, Jason Statham. (Unfortunately we share the same hairline, but I have the sense to shave my head.)

Statham portrays Frank Martin, who acts as the films main protagonist and the source of endless pithy one-liners directed at both his friends and enemies. As a professional “courier”, Frank Martin takes jobs delivering goods and people to pre-determined locations while driving high-end European sedans, while donning a plain black suit. (Think the Crazy 88 without the Kato masks), and usually saving some wayward strumpet in the process.

In the first film of the trilogy Frank lays down a series of rules for his clients so that they know who is who and what is what when it comes down to doing business. With small hints of a former career in “special operations” the Transporter is highly disciplined when it comes to how he lives his life and does his business. The combination of rules and his rigid discipline has kept him alive and they are as follows.

  1. “The deal is the deal.”
  2. “No names.”
  3. “Never open the package.”
  4. “Never make a promise you can’t keep.”


****These are actually a lot more fun if you say them in a horrible cockney accent. ****

Barring a few hiccups, Frank’s rules work for him. You must exclude finding a small Asian woman in a duffle bag and the occasional shoot-out with Ukrainian gangsters, Frank’s life is rather streamlined. Seeing this I’ve come up my own set of rules that I try to adhere to as best possible to help achieve a peaceful life.

  1. Never tell another man’s story. To put it simple enough for you, just keep your mouth shut when it comes to discussing someone else’s personal situations and lives. I’ll argue that if it’s a life and death situation, just shut it. When it comes to another man’s life just let him tell it like he knows it.
  2. Your word is bond. If you need me to expound on this then you’ve come across the wrong web site. Go read Perez Hilton, Fox News, or Media Takeout.
  3. Do your damn job. If you aren’t adequate at your job then shut your mouth. If you are the only one who is always bitching and moaning then this is a good sign that you’re a cancerous growth, energy vampire, or a receptionist. If you were actually good at your job someone would who matters would probably listen to what you have to say from time to time.
  4. Never worry about another man’s money. Thats his scratch that he’s spending. Just don’t worry about it. You can’t spend, save, or blow it for him so find something else to worry about.
  5. If you have to make and effort to give a damn about something, then you probably don’t. If it’s worth it then caring about it is easy.
  6. Just do the right thing. More often than not everything ends well when this happens.
  7.  If you think you’re about to do the wrong thing then you probably are.
  8. Always reward loyalty. If you don’t get this one please see my explanation for Rule # 2.
  9. If you don’t want anyone else to know something then DO NOT write it down or tell anyone. Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.
  10. Know when to stop talking. Always learn to practice the deadly and mysterious are of knowing when to shut the f*** up. There have been times throughout history when a few words too many have caused men, empires, and legacies to crumble.
  11. Stay Calm, don’t panic, and breathe. Panicky people do stupid sh** often. It’s a scientific fact.
  12. Never give them options. Another scientific fact is that too many options make people stupid.

These are some of the rules I came up with on the fly to help keep you or get you out of tight situations when the may arise. Everybody has got to have some kind of code of conduct right? If you don’t then you probably enjoy Perez Hilton, Fox News, and Media Takeout.

What rules keep you on the straight and narrow path when things are looking kind of grim? I promise I won’t judge you.

Vaya con Dios.


5 responses to “The Rules.

  1. 1) The advice you give others, take yourself when needed.
    2) Avoid men who say they can cook with only a box of baking soda and some beer in the fridge.
    3) Don’t do wilderness for more than 15-30 minutes at a time.
    4) When times get hard, whip out the 90s cartoon theme songs.
    5) If you can’t do it for yourself, don’t expect someone else to come in and do it for you.

  2. 12 Rules?

    13)Don’t count another man’s rules.

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