Everyone and I mean every one has done things in our lives that we aren’t exactly proud of. I mean “I feel sorry for your mother.” type things. Now I’m not the worst person walking around, but your stalwart scribe has made his mistakes when it comes to living life and I’m going to clean out my closet a little today. #nomathers To protect the innocent and the guilty I’m going to list several of my transgressions against my fellow man and good tasted. Y’all have to figure out which ones are true because I’m generally full of it.
- I threw Gwen Stacy from that bridge and frame Norman Osborn for it. (#goteammj) To this day I still smirk when I drive across bridges.
- I once wore a black polo shirt and a pair of corduroy pants to work… in July… in Charleston, SC. Thank god for Gold Bond powder.
- I ask Asian people for their fish heads and rice recipes.
- I once kicked my best friend down some bleachers in high school. That’ll learn you.
- At night on the odd numbered weeks of the even numbered months I train a group of 30 homeless Mexicans to be my personal black-ops team.
- Once in church I actually prayed for church to end.
- I move things off of the desks of co-workers after hours just to see if they notice.
- Alvin Greene’s senatorial run ***points right index finger at chest*** All M.E.
- Jersey Shore (see number eight).
- I’ve actually committed grand theft auto before.
- I conspired to steal an Elmo doll that one of my co-workers bought for his kid. He kept playing with it and that damn laugh just bothers me. I also conspired to do an video where I was going to behead said Elmo doll. After that I was going to periodically mail pieces of Muppet fur to my co-worker.
- I contemplated shoving a broom stick into the wheels of the fat guy in my apartment complex’s Rascal.
- I told Tyler Perry to start writing movies.
Have fun picking out whats real and what’s bull.
Vaya con Dios.