A couple of presidential elections ago when George W. Bush was running tons of “average” Americans were often quoted as saying they would like to have a beer with W. Some of these “average” Americans even went as far as saying that is why they would vote for him. Being the cynical, yellow, little sh*t that I am, I thought that voting for someone because you would like to have an Icehouse with them is crazy. However (No Stephen A.) I like beer something fierce so I pontificate from time to time about whom I would like to down a few cold ones with. Turns out the list of people that I would like to knock a few back with includes people who are dead, alive, and fictional. With the help of Franklin Richards I created a pocket universe in which all of these folks can interact with myself without the hindrances of time, space, and reality and shit.
The first group is an interesting one:
My great grandparents
I’ve never met any of my great grandparents. I’ve only heard stories about them from my grandparents and parents so I’d really like to get to know this generation of my family who were alive at the turn of last century. Over a few I’d like to hear what my grand parents, parents, aunts, and uncles were like as kids. (I’m thinking this may give me some insight into the adults they became.) I’d also love to hear about life in the teens, twenties, and thirties. It would be oral family history complete with burps and a buzz. I’d honestly just sit back and let them talk so they can just let it out without my interrupting the flow.
I fancy myself a bit of an amateur historian/military scientist so I’d like to see a round table with some of the great military leader of the last 100 hundred years. I’d invite Colin Powell, Chesty Puller, George S. Patton, Georgy Zhukov, Erwin Rommel, and Vo Nguyen Giap (The Black Thought of great generals. You may not know who he is, but you know what he did.) to sit down to discuss strategy, tactics, and talk sh*t to one another. My guess is we’ll all end up hammered because I just imagine these guys as the types who take shots (and I mean a lot of shot) with their beers. I can also imagine them trying to beat the hell out of one another by the time the night is through. The over/under on Patton referring to Zhukov, Giap, and Powell by a variety of racial epithets is at three minutes tops. (He’s that type of guy.) It would be just like the Hangover but with men who like blowing sh*t up.
First I’d like to make sure they don’t bring Biden. I want to know what the Barry and Michelle are like on a personal level. I’d first have to convince Michelle to drink a beer in lieu of a Cosmo or something like that. (Come Michelle, you’re from the Southside of Chi-town, you’ve had a few beers before.) Since the start of his presidency I’ve refrained from saying that the Obamas are the model black family or new Huxtables like so many other black folks did back in November of 2008 and that’s why I want to have a few with Barry and Michelle. This won’t be a political conversation this will be about them and how they see themselves as two middle-aged parents who have to navigate life in America.
The Movie and TV Bada**es
Much like the session with the generals this one could go sideways quick. (Just for the sake of the pocket universe that Franklin Richards created I will have heavily armed security on hand.) I want to have a sit down with John Shaft, Josey Wales, Frank Martin (The Transporter), Matt Dillon, Ellen Ripley, John Mclane, Beatrix Kiddo, Black Belt Jones, Bruce Lee (Duh), and Jim Brown (Jim Brown will be the actual Jim Brown because I have the sneaky suspicion that he just played himself most of the time.), The Predator, Sarah Connor, Coffy, and Omar Little. I’m just going to order the drinks for this one. My plan is to sit back and watch the cornucopia of badassery do what it does. What would Dillon, Wales, Ripley, and Little say to one another? Sadly I’ve thought about this before and this would be my chance to find out. I have two predictions on how the night will end. One scernario has it ending around six a.m. with multiple cabs being called. My second guess would have something to do with Mexican standoff and someone, probably Frank Martin, saying, “It looks like we have a Mexican standoff.” Good times in deed.
So that’s the guest list for my beer summit what are yours? Who would like to shoot the sh*t with over a beer to find out what they’re really like on a personal level. What makes them tick and why? Let your friendly neighborhood Agent of M.E. know what’s up.
Vaya con Dios.