"Ooo baby you want me?"

Pharrell Williams, Chad Hugo, and Shea (N.E.R.D.) are geniuses. You may be asking where I’m going with this. Sit tight and it’ll all make sense soon. Uncle Frank promises you it will.

There was absolutely nothing worth watching on TV this weekend thusly breaking my sloth-like heart. So when I wasn’t with Ms. Moneypenny, wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating, and not sending and receiving a million text messages (Steve, Lane Bryant. WTF?) I flipped channels finding very little amusement. *Side not: History Channel I need more warfare and a little less ice road trucking.*

During my incessant channel-flipping I noticed that every time I flipped past a news or news type channel (That would be you FOX News.) I noticed potential presidential candidates or one of their family members talking to or pressing the flesh with “normal folks” throughout the lower 48. *Michelle Obama looks as if she could kick the ass of most men. I seriously wouldn’t piss Mrs. Obama off. Her hubby probably has the bruises to prove it.* Seeing all of the stumping going on made me think of one of the best extended metaphors ever used in hip-hop: The entire song “Lap Dance.” By N.E.R.D.

Pharrell and the young t-shirt crew took the time to masterfully compare politicians to skrippers. Know what? They were right. If you hold your lunch, imagine Bill Clinton approaching a female voter and saying in his sleaziest voice, “Hey sweet thing. What do I have to do to get you to vote for Hillary? I’ll do anything.”

Is that any different from you and your boys hanging out in some hole in the wall and fielding this query from a half-drunk, gum popping, bad weave wearing, cast off from a Luke video asking, “What I gotta do to get a dance?”

Overall it’s the same hustle. Just switch the false promises of getting rid of Mexicans and lowering taxes with an ideal of having big butt in you crotch for the length of a song with about 120 bpms (beats per minute.) After the election and the song is over all you have left is the feeling of wanting more. You may find yourself short about 20 bills, a campaign donation, and possibly a vote in the general election. Once all three transactions have transpired you probably just sit back and speculate if you money, time, and vote were spent wisely.


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