Monthly Archives: May 2007

Random Thoughts: You dead dawg. The silly ass negro edition.

“You dead dawg [expletive]. Your kids too.”
Elijah Dukes, Right-fielder Tampa Bay Devil Rays

More props to Allendale County. Anjana Kumar or Allendale competed in the Scripps National Spelling Bee. She was knocked out in the first round but the trip was an accomplishment none the less.

There’s nothing like the sound of a negro who needs serious anger management. The above comment was left by Elijah Dukes on the voicemail of his hopefully soon to be estranged wife. To top things off he took a picture of a pistol and e-mailed it to her via his cell phone. The voicemail and picture incidents occurred after he went to the middle school where his wife teaches and “shows his ass” for the world to see. Does playing for the D-Rays make a man that angry? When asked about all of his previous actions by the press Dukes comments could be considered extremely sophomoric for a 22 year old. He responded with these gems: “I’m just going to play ball, that’s it.” And “I’ve got to go. I’ve got a video game to finish.”

While I’m on athletes someone please tell Mike Vick’s silly-ass what “exonerated” means. While your doing that please let him know that when some asks if you think you will be “exonerated” that you always respond with the word “yes.”

After you finish hooking Mike Vick up. Please give Kobe a hug.

I’m amazed that people still get tuberculosis. I thought that shit died out with Doc Holliday.
I took a short vacation this week and today was my first day back at the plantation. I spent the mornings of my days off at the gym and the rest of my days doing absolutely nothing. Due to the fact that I usually drink about 96 ounces of water while I’m at the gym it’s only natural that I have to “go”[Not on the cars of any strippers however.] at some point during the gun show. So I “go” and I happen to notice that the urinal cakes have a “Just say no to drugs” message on them. That brought me to the conclusion that the war on drugs is over and done and the “good guys” [If such a thing exists.] didn’t win. If you have to post your propaganda on urinal cakes maybe you should just bow out.

Yesterday was my 28th birthday. I feel like I’m 25. Act like I’m 52 and want to be 65 so that I can retire and talk shit with the boys all day.


An open letter to Mr. Henry Aaron

Dear Mr. Aaron,

I’d like to call you “Hank” but that’s just disrespectful. If anybody deserves to be called “mister” it’s you. You’ve done so many great things for baseball and I’d like to thank you for every one of them. Unfortunately this letter is about Barry. Yes, that Barry.

I realize that you, his late father Bobby, and his god father Willie Mays were contemporaries. All three of you were stars of baseball’s golden age. This leads me to understand why you’ve taken such a diplomatic stance on Barry’s pursuit of your homerun record.

Just like every other aspect of your public life you decided to be the bigger man. Throughout the segregation of you early career, the rampant racism you endured while playing in Atlanta, and even the death threats to you and your family during your own pursuit of Babe Ruth you played the bigger man. You took it all in stride and made every single one of you detractors look like the fools they were because in the end you did what had to be done. You succeeded. That’s why I count you as one of my heroes.

I only know of you through your legacy, highlights, and the comments of your peers. Your former teammate, Joe Torre once said that he, “Never saw you make a mistake.” I’ve never heard that said about any other athlete. It is because of your legacy I say this to you: Being the bigger man is overrated sometimes! Barry Bonds has not been convicted of any crimes nor has he failed a single drug test but something isn’t right.

He went from barely being a 40-40 man to hitting 70 plus homeruns a year in his mid to late 30’s. So before I commit libel I’ll say this to you: Mr. Aaron just say you don’t want to see Barry break you record because he’s a piece of crap. You don’t have to use your age as a cover-up for traveling. I for one wouldn’t blame you for it. Besides you’ve earned to right to scream on somebody.

Random Thoughts: Strippers are people too.

“And everywhere that my crew goAnd every hoe that my crew knowAnd every show that my crew blowYou know we get down, you know we get down”

Tracey Lee “The Theme (It’s Party Time)”

First things first, congrats to the Allendale Fairfax High School track team. The boy’s actually won the school’s first track championship in 39 years and the girl’s team managed to finish second. Members of both teams won or finished in the top three in several events.

Jewal Christian Jordan I hope you are reading this because I wanted to let you know that you and I aren’t finished.

There is no masculine way to drink from a straw.

M.I.M.S. is the 2007 version of Tracey Lee. I actually thought about this a couple of days ago when I was at Sam’s Wholesale with my boy Duane. Mimsy made things worse when I saw him on MTV this morning defending his glaring lack of lyrical ability. He gave the usually “I make music that the people want to hear” spiel. Think about it like this. His one single “This is Why I’m Hot” will probably outsell Common, Pharoahe Monch, and Talib Kweli’s three upcoming CD’s combined. Forget dumb rappers, dumb listeners need teaching!

If M.I.M.S. is Tracey Lee. T-Pain is the new Oran Juice Jones.

Do the people who run McDonald’s actually think that giving you two apple turnovers will make you forget about the fact that you just wasted 15 minutes of your life waiting on their sorry asses to get your food ready? While you wait you are forced to listen to the conversations of the sorry ass workers. These range from “Why I hate my job.” To “Why I hate my baby daddy.” Two stale apple pies just don’t make up for that.

“As for the Mormon [Mitt Romney] running for office those who really believe in God will defeat him as always, so don’t worry about that. That’s a temporary situation.” I’m glad we have strong black leaders like Al Sharpton.

No matter what any one tells you strippers are people to . . . so don’t piss on their stuff. Besides is that what you want to be doing when Jesus comes back?

That leads me to this next point: Never OVER ESTIMATE the maturity level of college educated men. They’ll let you down every time. I’m honestly starting to think that stupidity is contagious. That would explain all three branches of government and the numerous packs of young men roaming the planet doing horrible shit. (Al Qaeda, Bloods, Crips, and the Dipset are perfect examples of my point.)

The Reverend Jerry Falwell passed away last week. I’m not going to speak ill of the dead but he wasn’t a nice guy in any sense of the word. For somebody who claimed to be a prophet he was extremely hateful. He blamed 9/11 on abortionists and homosexuals. Hell he blamed abortionists and homosexuals for almost everything.

Finally I’d like to give props to ESPN’s Page Two columnist Jemele Hill for disputing a poll suggesting most black people support Barry Bond’s chemical assisted chase for Hank Aaron’s homerun record. She basically dispelled the notion that black people all think the same way about every single issue. As much as I love baseball the point of her article transcends the sport.

Tons O’ Guns

“tons o’ guns everybody’s getting strapped tons o’ guns got to watch the way you act tons o’ guns real easy to get tons o’ guns bringing nothing but death tons o’ guns are in the streets nowadays “
Guru of Gangstarr “Tons o’ guns”

A couple of weeks ago Seung-Hui Cho, an English major at Virginia Tech decided to take it upon himself and lash out at the rich, privileged, and anyone else that just happened to be around when he snapped. By now we all know the story and what happened so there is no need to repeat those unfortunate events here. What happened was deplorable. There is no other way to describe what went down.

There are bigger issues that need to be talked about; gun control. America brings the conversation up every now and then- – mostly when someone does something highly illegal with a gun. Then we talk about what happened on the news but then the conversation goes away. It is usually replaced by some white woman who was kidnapped or Paris Hilton getting another case of the clap or a DUI. This continues for years until another group of innocent people get mowed down while minding there own business.

Americans has been packing since day one. It who we are and what we do. We’ve all seen the bumper sticker that reads “You can have my gun when you pry is out of my cold dead hand.” As a nation we pack so much heat that is a guaranteed right. You never know whom you had to deal with on a day-to-day basis: King George, bloodthirsty Indians, uppity slaves, and their abolitionist backers. I don’t have a problem with people having guns but I just have reservations about who gets to own them. Frankly, guns remind me a lot of pit bulls. Most of the time they are harmless but every now and then a pit bull mauls a toddler and destroys the life of a family. Just like a gun in the wrong hands. The average guy who goes hunting, protects his home, and obtains guns through the proper channels is probably not going to make his neighborhood pub look like a John Woo movie if an argument breaks out. The NRA types aren’t going to do anything insane and they usually aren’t carrying B.A.R’s or Tommy guns. It’s the wild cards that scare me.

Wild cards like Cho. My first question is how can a non-American citizen obtain a gun legally in the post – 9/11 world? I’m clearly not an “us vs. them” type but does that even make sense. If he could do it any random, angry foreign national with the right paper work could just buy a gun legally and then commit any heinous act he felt like. Then we get another disaster to talk about until Nancy Grace hears about some random white girl getting snatched up somewhere.
In addition to the Cho types you have to deal with the average criminal inhabiting your local hood or trailer parks. They are just as dangerous and probably even more reckless which makes them that much of a threat. To make things worse their guns aren’t even registered. Sure they don’t accrue the body count the Cho did but they are just as dangerous. Some serious screening needs to take place before someone can legally get heat. If not things like the Virginia Tech incident will keep occurring every couple of years. Just a little something for everyone to think about while y’all are cleaning your guns.

Dear Marcus(Mark):

*This post was composed by my man The Mario Washington (It’s like A Tribe Called Quest, you’ve got to say the whole thing.)

Dear Marcus:

What’s up bro? I prayed every night that you would somehow pull through, but I guess it was just God’s design. You never know how God can place certain people in your life that make such an impact that it shapes who you are. Brother that’s what you have done for me. You have inspired me in ways that you can never imagine. What hurts me the most is that I never took the opportunity to tell you everything. Despite my negligence, I’m sure you knew.

You’re a big reason why I’m who I am today. You took me under your wing as if you knew me your whole life when we first met. You treated me as if we were brothers. And if I didn’t show my appreciation enough through the years brother it has been an honor knowing you.

But the longer we knew each other, I realized the impact you made on everyone you met in your short life. Everybody knew you and everybody loves you.

There are so few people in the world that can say that about themselves. You hear people say good things about people all the time and sometimes it’s not all true….but when we tell your story, it’s 110% true! You didn’t have one bad bone in your body. You were a genuinely good person, so selfless that you seemed to be more concerned about making others feel good even before yourself.

I remember when we really started having success with The Royal Palace and how it was so many nights that I didn’t feel like doing the show, or keeping in character, but your inspiring attitude taught me something that I will carry with me for as long as I live. You taught me that when people expect something of you, it is your obligation to do it. You taught me that without ever telling me in words. But that’s what was so incredibly remarkable about you. You spoke volumes without uttering one word.

I will cherish the time we spent together at WU and beyond, and I wish that there was more time. We had a lot of fun together, but we’ll keep all of the details of that fun between Royal Fam! lol

Since you passed on, I’ve been thinking about what we said to each other the last time that we had a chance to hang out. I said that I’ll see you the next time and we gave each other a hug. I’ve been thinking that if I knew it would be the last time that I saw you, I would have said more, but it was enough. I know that I’ll see you on the other side in paradise my friend.

You’re gone, but your name and your service during your time on earth will never be forgotten. I will never let them forget you. Ever! Your story needs to be told over and over again so people can learn to be more like you. That is my promise to you. I can never repay you for what you’ve done for me, but to show my appreciation for you, I will make sure that people will remember Marcus Austin and what you meant to so many!

I love you brother and I’ll see you when I get there!

your friend,

The Mario Washington, A.K.A. Grand Monarck, Royal Fam Forever!


*This post was composed by my man The Mario Washington (It’s like A Tribe Called Quest, you’ve got to say the whole thing.)

L-O-V-E, L-O-V-E, L-O-V-E….the word is used so loosely these days that we have forgotten the true meaning of it. It’s that indescribable feeling you have when someone asks if you’re in love. Love is a myriad of things. It’s that churning in your stomach when you smell that certain fragrance that reminds you of what you have or what you had. Love is that song that you hear on the radio that somehow puts you back into the mindset that you felt the first time you fell in love. It’s everything that reminds you of the things that no matter what’s going on can make your heart flutter for that split second, or that thing that causes your bottom lip to quiver at the thought, or the nervous reaction that causes your fingers to shiver even on a warm summer night.

How many of you can say that you ever felt this? How many can say that something has tugged on their emotions so much that a tear wasn’t able to be formed? How many of us tell each other that we love each other?

The more we say it….the less it means. The word is used so effortlessly in 2007. People say it all the time, but without the above emotions, is it really love? People say they love to read, write, or sing, but if these emotions aren’t garnered, then it can’t be love.

And now when people hear the words “I love you,” its meaningless because people say it so much to describe how much they “like” something. People that hear those words should be able to know without a shadow of a doubt that the person saying those words truly means it.

When I say that I love radio, it means that I can’t live without it. It means that every time I listen to the radio, it’s not fun because I’m always listening critically instead of enjoying a program leisurley. It means that I don’t know how to do anything else and that I don’t want to do anything else with my life.

And when I use the word love as a term of endearment to others, I mean it the same way. That being said, there’s not a great amount of people that have heard the words, “I love you” come from my mouth. Those that have heard it should cherish it because they know they are in select company. That’s the way we should all feel when we hear those words. It shouldn’t just be words….it should be something of substance….something that has depth…..something that has a true meaning and not the empty words they have indubitably become in the english lexicon.