This morning was, for the most part a usual work day morning for me. I got up drank coffee, did some reading, watched the episode of Southland that I DVR’d last night. (I really should have watched that and taped The Game instead.), and mentally prepped myself for hump day. Like I said, it was a usual morning for the most part.
I got ready for work and braced myself to get hit by the cold. (This is the unusual portion of the morning.) Unlike just about every other morning I didn’t open my door to see what was going on outside like I normally do when I initially wake up.* So anyway, I open the door and see a DVD in a plastic cellophane cover with a label that says “Free DVD To Hell and Back”. My initial thought was about “To Hell and Back” the biographical war movie from 1955 about Audie Murphy’s exploits before and during WWII. When I flipped the DVD over I saw it contained a pamphlet that read “Donde Pasara La Eternidad?” on the top and “Se Le Esta Acabando El Tiempo Rapidamente!”** Using one of my many mutant powers, the one of stringing context clues together, I figured out that this was some kind of a religious DVD and tract. I watched the DVD when I got to work and it was some crazy looking white guy talking about thinking he was going to see the light but instead seeing and experiencing pure terror when he thought he was near death. Hell of a drug that cocaine.
I’m just going to put this out there; I hate solicitations. I don’t like it when I’m in the mall and some rapper and his crew try to get me to buy their mix tape.*** I don’t like it when Jehovah’s Witnesses try to hand me whatever when I’m walking down the street or sitting in my driveway changing my break pads with my hands covered in grease. I don’t like it when I’m on my cell phone and someone asks me to come to their business seminar at the Airport Marriott. I have no desire to sell Body magic, spanks, or self sharpening steak knives. **** I don’t like it when it is done through passive aggressive means like leaving crap on my door knob or door step. *****
My problem with solicitation is that the solicitor assumes that someone actually gives a damn or cares. Don’t put things on people’s cars in parking lot, at their doorstep, or interrupt them when they are out minding their business. Your passion for or about something may not translate to their feelings about the same thing. Hell people who read the crap I write may not be amused or interested by my keystrokes as I am. ******
My questions to you are these:
What was the worse instance of solicitation that you’ve ever been apart of? Were you the solicitor or solicited? What product or cause was being solicited? Am I justified to be irked by this or am I just being a sociopath? Let me know.
Vaya con Dios.
*By “going on outside” I mean checking the weather or seeing if Man-Man or Peaches have killed each other and left the corpse outside in the hallway.
**I don’t speak any Spanish. I was able to make out the words meaning where, eternity, time, and fast. For any of you that actually habla please make sure I’m correct.
***A rapper named Crunk Young Coonhound once gave my man Mario a mix tape. He is possibly the worst rapper ever and we thoroughly enjoyed his lack of talent. I’m not sure if he is worse than Bangs, 50 Tyson, or Diddy but he was rather horrible.
****Seriously, nothing good ever happens at airport hotels. Ask Juanita Bynum.
*****I don’t care if it’s a menu for Chinese takeout or religious stuff. I’m not banging on anybody in particular.
******Fact!!! Self –awareness is good for you.